Death Cab for Cutie ‘Your New Twin Sized Bed’
- The night the Italian was finally gone and I went back to sleeping in my own bed, I cried. I was ashamed, so I cried harder. I wasn’t sad, I think it was the relief and the realization from years ago. I remembered being in a panic a few months into our relationship that he would never leave me, that I would have to do it. I just had, and all I thought was how I was swallowed up in a sea of covers and pillows. I ripped everything off the bed and slept more soundly than I had in months. Breathe in, breathe out. I even felt a little guilty, remembering how he screamed at me that I was a horrible bitch, a robot who couldn’t love anyone. No more tears, I was laughing now.
- I’m spinning around and around, dancing and jumping around like a total wanker. It was the first day of the rest of my life. I didn’t have cancer anymore. I started counting the days I didn’t have to wear those crazy neon stripper wigs anymore, even if they were fun.
- My brother and I are skipping down the Santa Monica pier. He tells me he loves the smell of the ocean, and now I think he sounded like such an adult. At the time, I told him it just smelled like seagull shit. Later I fell over the railing and scared a lot of people thinking I died. One of my favorite days.
- I’m watching the sun set out the window while Dorian gets his camera set up. I am covered in fake blood and I tell him what a weirdo he is, but there I am, letting him take my photo. Later he would let me shower and take the famous pinup girl photos with his assistant, and if only I could find them…
- I’m standing in front of the airport, bag in hand, when I see the car pull up. I am happiest when I have nowhere at all to be, and all the time I want. I am home for my Uncle’s wake, but it’s a celebration. This is the first time I do a shot of whiskey. It’s actually the first time I do a shot of anything, especially remembering I was 15. It burned going down.
