cold turkey

The Lucy Nation ‘Alright’

Could I do it? Could I just take a deep breath and stop, cut myself off right then and there? I throw my head back now and chuckle thinking about it. All the composure and polite smiles, all the ’sure, yeah I’m fine’s in the world can’t cover the addiction. It’s less addiction and more withdraw though. Hell, I can’t even not mention him to one person in one phone call, per request. There’s a level of disgust no one should have for themselves, and it’s in the red.

Why is it we can’t just walk away? How many people live on this damn place……there has to be someone to take the spot, something to give me the fix I need, some way to forget the past…right? All the self control I’ve used, I’m afraid of myself–that I couldn’t force myself this time to square my shoulders and raise a polite, expressionless face.

Like real, material things, do we only come with a certain supply of emotion, of restraint, of energy, before it’s just gone for good? Where is all my say-goodbye-and-go I had so much of? It hasn’t been that long.

Quite enough on that subject. In compliance with the good ol’ days, I’ll hush and sweep it under the rug–no one seems to like him, or me about him. I may be drowning, but if you close your eyes, all you can hear me say is ‘everything is beautiful and nothing hurts’.