The Grateful Dead ‘Box of Rain’
Aerosmith ‘Dream On’
It’s been a long blur of hours and days since I wrote last, and still haven’t found the words to say anything important. I’m not entirely sure I do now, but here I am, fingers dancing across the keys mindlessly. On a whim I drove to Colorado Springs to see my (now) boyfriend Cash, and I must admit I haven’t slept that well in weeks.
I find myself constantly being reminded by all of the quirky things my Mother did or said. I laugh out loud, smile on the inside, and come home to cry. The sight of her still lingers, and I am afraid it always will. I know it will. Then again, if I close my eyes I am small again and I smell her Enjoli perfume, I hear her singing in the kitchen, I see her smiling and waiving at me from her door as I drive away in my first car. I loved her too much to see her in pain, but the way she died is a constant reminder of how much pain she was in to end it all the way she did. It brings me to tears even now. Earlier today I realized I had discovered her body only five weeks ago, so maybe it’s not time to let go of the tears or the pain, and maybe that’s okay.