Another long stretch of time since I’ve been on here. I tried a few times but nothing quite made sense and I ended up deleting it all. So to catch up on the last three months: I flew out to Colorado again a month after I drove 3,200 miles round trip to see Cash. We danced at the military ball and I helped him look for apartments. In the course of things, we realized we needed to be together. What is life without the ones you love? Isn’t it supposed to be the pursuit of happiness? Instead we are all so concerned about money, control, material things, and status. What ever happened to going on a trip for the fun of doing it?
So separated by two time zones, Cash and I found an apartment and planned the beginning of my life with him in Colorado. Now, I miss my friends and family, but the new atmosphere has helped. I have new perspective and I feel so small, so humbled, and still very alive when I look West at the mountains. These are the moments I live for now…seeing the smile on my boyfriend’s face when he sees me on the computer from a deployment halfway around the world…hearing my niece giggle over the phone when I tell her I love her…doing 80 on the highway through Kansas and listening to my Mom’s favorite songs.
I lost my Mother about five months ago. She taught me everything I needed to be brave and strong, and do what everyone told me was a crazy mistake: waiting three months for a man I barely knew to come home from a dangerous deployment. Well, I just got crazier–I fell madly in love with him and left everything behind to start a life with him. It hasn’t always been perfect for me here, waiting again while he’s gone, but every time I see his face I am reminded if why I did what I did: I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Maybe I’ve never been crazier, but I’ve never been happier and never more sure.
The most important thing in your life is love. We all know this, but do we hold it up where we should? Do we act on it always? Do we say the words we really want to say, or hold back, doubt, second guess? Take a minute to think about it, and then get it out.
If there was one thing I could say my Mother loved about me, it would be my spirit. I should know, I saw that fight and that faith in her every day. And when she needed it, I was there to hold her and be the spirit that had drained from her. In the end, losing her has made me stronger and better whether I like it or not. Isn’t that a Mother’s lesson, and a reminder of her love?